2014

As 2014 comes to a close, I would say this year has passed really fast. There are always ups and downs, but just wanna use this time to reflect.

School is still ongoing, but 5 more months left till I finish my final paper. I thank God for seeing me through the tough times in school, getting unexpected results that I don't deserve and it could only come from God. I really like to thank my school mates for enduring my quirky side in school, I think I might have irritated them at times though. Thank you Denise (best lab partnerrrr), Jiahao, Rachel, Daniaal, Yuguang and also Fateha for the great and funny times in the lab! note to self: must take photo with everybody before last computer lab ends! because jiahao and rachel would be graduating!

Work has been a bout of ups and downs, sometimes by the principals, sometimes by the company, and God showed me ways of dealing with these matters properly and calmly. Till this day I still regret sometimes about leaving NUS. But definitely this current job has given me more experience and opened my eyes to children and God used this to teach me patience and to be less temperamental (Which I have been praying for). I do miss my K2 kids because all of them are moving up to Primary 1, I pray that all of them will do well and excel in school. I have 4 more months with this company, because in May would be my last month of school and I really wanna focus properly on my last paper and also will be looking for a new job then.

Work wise I have been talking to some friends who have already been working in the science industry for a while, it seems like I might be going back to research field if God's plan for me is to go back to research. I think probably my first full time job was a little overwhelming because of the work load and the job scope (if you know me personally you would know the horror of my job). But I am going to trust God to put me somewhere that I can manage and where I am supposed to be.


My walk with God this year also hasn't been always good, I hope 2015 will be a better and closer walk with Him. I have been on and off serving in church because of my school schedule, so it hasn't been very constant so far. I was part of the committee in SHINE youth sunday, so it was a little tough handling the baking team as well as juggling school and work. Thank you nigel for being understanding (: This year was a year of change for the SHINE youth, we were in new cell groups and new system, it was quite a big change because praise and worship was going to be by the youth and not with the adult service anymore, also cell was being done after youth service, which was good for me because I haven't been able to attend cell last time due to my curfew and school. Christmas was great too with the cell group!

 I had my first family trip to bangkok after many years and because my sister and I planned the itinerary, it was nice seeing my parents relaxed and not having to worry. To more yearly trips!



As for my relationship, it was yet another year of new experiences with Moses going into the uni. This year was also a year I spent more time around his friends which I enjoyed very much (: Getting new experiences, hanging out and talking and playing games. Next year 2015 would mark 5 years of being together! It really has been quite fast, it seems only 2 years since we have been together. As we grow together, more matters comes up and more serious topics comes up. I won't digress to details ;) I really am grateful for Moses always trying to be there for me.

I also like to thank my 2 best friends, Carissa and Ain, for continually being there for me since we graduated from Poly. This friendship between the 3 of us has not been easy, due to not being able to meet up often, Carissa going to Australia to study for a year, me being busy with work and studies. Hopefully 2015 we can meet up more often!

Definitely looking forward to 2015!

My resolutions for 2015:
1. Appreciate my family more
2. Walk closer with God and able to serve more regularly
3. Get a job with good pay and no need to work weekends
4. Appreciate Moses more and continue to support him in his school and work
5. Learn to cook and bake more items that I have never done before
6. Lose a little bit of weight and maintain
7. Study harder for the 5 months more
8. Appreciate my friends around me more
9. Become less temperamental
10. Travel to Bangkok with friends
11. Hopefully be able to apply for BTO
12. Blog more: about life and topics that can help readers, also on short stories
13. Save more money
14. Love more, Judge Less, Forgive More.

Happy 2015 to all!


xx

The What Ifs.

When I get reminded of you, I sometimes think whether the decision I made was correct.

But yet again, God reminds me that there was a reason why it didn't work out.

I'm glad to have met you still, to have you be part of my life, even if it was just a small tiny part of my life.

I think God has used you to tell me that certain things can't or won't happen for a reason.

That in fact the decision I ultimately made was the right thing to do.

Thinking about the what ifs.

What if, I had given that chance.

What if, it worked out in the end.

Sometimes, I am scared of thinking of these certain "what ifs". Because I already know what the outcome would be like.

My life would have been drastically different. I would have been drawn further and further away from God. I wouldn't be serving in church, that's for sure.

To think of all these possibilities, it scares me.


To be running my life so differently. I just can't go there. With what I have now, to be getting closer and closer to God, I am really quite happy with where I am now. With my eyes opening to the world, to see true friends, even to know new people, to be serving and taking up opportunities, to have met such a good best friend who is also the love of my life, who really, I can't say thank you enough for, God made all these happen.


x

The Beginning

They started out as strangers, both from different secondary schools.
He had a sports background, she had a performing arts background.
By chance, they went to the same polytechnic and same faculty, but different courses.
She attended the school's freshmen orientation camp, he did not.
Somehow, they both joined the same CCA, both wanting to try something new.

Trainings went by, some people left the CCA,some people stayed.
As the group of newbies grew smaller, the people who stayed grew closer to each other.
They became friends, just on the surface, slowly, they started talking in groups.
Camps after camps they bonded with the friends, unknowingly they soon became good friends.
She found out he was Christian too, a rare friend who shared the same religion.

Events went by, they happened to join the same performance item, dance.
Again through dance training they bonded, not knowing what the future had in store for them.
After the event was over, they continued to meet up just to dance along with other friends.
She had liked another guy, he was looking on quietly.

She had many crushes, he had one - her.
She soon gave up on the current crush because she knew it was impossible.
He watched quietly from the side, not knowing what was happening.
He kept his feelings to himself.

She started to notice him, his laughter and his kindness.
He still kept thinking that she would still hold on to her crush, not wanting to let go.
She happen to meet him at the bus stop outside school one day whilst going home.
They said goodbyes and she climbed the overhead bridge to get to the other side of the road.
As she was on the overhead bridge, she happened to notice.
Something she hasn't seen before.

He was watching.
Watching her as she made her way to the bus stop on the other side.
Quietly, he watched, not making it noticeable to his friends with him.
But she noticed.
That was when it begun.

------


x

Eczema

Hello world!

Decided to take on the topic of eczema today! Nowadays, there are actually quite a number of people who have eczema problem. Some minor and some major problem.

For me, I have a major problem. Sometimes I find myself scratching in the middle of the night unconsciously. And that is terrible. Eczema has actually integrated into my life that I have gotten used to it. It gives me ugly legs that makes me always envy other girls who have flawless legs. After many years, I have learnt to live with it. That it will always be a part of me that I can't change.

I had eczema ever since I was in primary school. When all of us were made to sit under hot sun and all, that's when all the perspiring came and the eczema came. Initially it wasn't such a big deal, I thought it was normal and people perspire a lot and itch at the back of the knee. My arms too at the joint. So began the scratching until my mum noticed the red splotches at those particular places.

She then brought me to see a skin specialist, and to me that was "Eczema" cream. From then I knew I had eczema already. But as I grew older, I became more active, running around, exercising, producing more sweat. So I guess sweat was one of the causes of my eczema. Also, prawns started to become one of the things that makes my eczema active :( I know, that's really sad. So I try not to eat so much prawn, more or less stay off it, and only eating it on rare occasions.

Eczema has been such a pain in my life. Honestly there was a period of time I was so ashamed of my legs. I can't control the itch, I would unconsciously scratch it be it when I am awake or sleeping, more of sleeping because when I am awake if I am very much aware, I try not to scratch. But if I am concentrating on something then I might scratch because I wouldn't be aware.

With this problem, I know I can't be a model. Yes I know, I used to want to become a model. But because of my ugly legs, I don't think I would ever be able to become one. Also, I wore pants, jeans, practically stayed away from shorts, skirts and dressed because I was so ashamed of showing my legs to the public. I didn't want people to know I had this problem, I didn't want to see people judging because of my legs.

I am very thankful for the constant support of my boyfriend Moses, because he always kept pushing me to wear dresses for him when we go out. He accepts that I have ugly legs and loves me for who I am. This gave me the confidence and the attitude to not care about what other people think. My mum has been quite critical about my eczema,and she touches it too when I tell her not to because honestly like the simplest touch can set my eczema spots itching.

Recently I have also went to the National Skin Centre as my eczema was getting way worse than before. Like there were lesions and all. The thick ones that ooze out clear liquid. So the doctor gave me a not so strong steroid cream, and also she and her mentor explained to me about my body, that I have more 100x more IgE in my body. IgE are actually things in our body that react to allergens that our body touches or encounters, be it environment, the things we touch. So my body goes on crazy mode and reacts like a mad .... how do I call it, mechanism? So thus the itch comes.

Eczema can't be cured yet, but it can be controlled. These are the few things I've picked up and would like to share with those who have the same problem;

1. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize
I get patches on my hands as well also because I think I am allergic to latex gloves, and me studying science means gloves on during practical sessions. But nowadays I use non-latex gloves to prevent the itch. I always bring a tube of hand cream with me everywhere I go because it is really good and helpful to curb the itch. Also nowadays I bring a small tube that I bought from daiso and stored aloe vera gel in it. For me aloe vera gel has been pretty effective, even though it may not work as well for other people. I am also using QV cream, that is my night cream before I sleep, to put on the eczema patches to keep it moisturized throughout the night, as I sleep with air conditioning as I will perspire if it gets too hot and stuffy and eczema will become worse.

2. Shower with WARM water
Hot water actually makes the eczema become more active.

3. If you know what triggers the eczema, be it food.. try not to eat them so often
Well, it helps to control the itch...

4. Take showers often (with warm water)
It is good to keep yourself clean especially with eczema, because you need to wash away the sweat.

5. With steroid creams, they do help, but apply thinly
Steroid cream curbs the itches, they really do, but because they thin the skin, so use sparingly. I know it's difficult to stay off the cream but yeah. Moisturize after the cream dries!

6. Go swimming often
The chlorine in the pools actually help to dry up the eczema spots! But for girls, maybe just take a dip without wetting your hair because chlorine damages hair.

7. Refrain from wearing thick clothing on eczema spots
Wearing thick clothing, for me on the legs where my eczema is at the worst, it makes it worse as it gets really hot in the middle of the day and my legs will start sweating and the itching will come.

I think that is all, but to those who have eczema, don't be ashamed. It is what we are born with (: I sometimes also do get it on my face when the weather in Singapore gets hot and humid, it goes to my neck and sometimes back.

When I feel like the eczema on my face is coming back (starts to have little spots) I stay off makeup for like a week and just use sunblock on my face.

Don't care what other people think. There are many of us with the same problem! Don't be ashamed of yourself. Love yourself for who you are, the scars and the spots on your body caused by eczema don't define you.

x

My experience as a NSman's girlfriend

Okay I sort of got really bored because currently I am on a one week break from school after the exam. So I decided to venture into this topic. Please take note that this is my own experience.

Let's start from BMT (:

Honestly the time from after Moses graduated, well when we both graduated from polytechnic, it was full of new experiences, like both of us finding jobs to earn money. But the crucial point was I think about a month before he was going to enlist? Things got a bit more edgier, for me I guess I was not very comfortable thinking that I was only going to see him only maybe once a week or not at all, given that at that point of time I was working full time in a laboratory. I think what kind of helped was cutting down the time we spent together during poly, like we were meeting each other every single day in poly including saturdays and sundays because sunday is Church day and at that point of time I already started attending church with Moses.

We tried not to find each other or we lessened the time we saw each other in school because it was our final year in poly and I had Final Year Project and he had modules and internship. His internship was during the first half of the year, so it was a huge transition because they could only mean that I would only see him during the weekends. Or if we were even lucky that he finishes internship early for that day he could come down and see me at school and we would go home together. So during the second half of the academic year, I got busy with more things to do in FYP and had to start preparing for the FYP report, while Moses also had a FYP to do and with his modules. So if he had to go off earlier he would come by to the laboratory in school (I was doing internship-linked FYP in school so I was in school doing FYP and spent all my time in the labs) to tell me that he was gonna go home first.

So with this little transition we sort of got used to only seeing each other maybe once or twice a week, sometimes slightly more. But as the enlistment date started to inch closer, I got more insecure. I was scared that he would leave me (for what I also have no idea why) as there were so many rumors and stories about young couples breaking up during the time when the guys go to army. I was worried that because of the time we were able to see each other was gonna be cut down so much, I feared for the worst for this relationship. I knew that during this period I won't be able to call or text Moses as much as I want to, I can't do it freely, as in he wont be able to reply freely because they will be busy training. We definitely talked this out and Moses assured me that there's nothing to worry about, honestly it's all just guys.

On enlistment day, I took leave to go with him to tekong with his family. Although I felt like I wasted hours of my time there because most of the time we were separated from each other. But the breaking point was when we had to say our goodbyes, not going to see him for 3 weeks confinement, was so painful for me. I held back my tears because I didnt want him to worry about me, but in the end he told me he knew I was tearing up already.

The 3 weeks of confinement was a new experience to us, not being able to talk to each other freely. But what helped was looking forward every night to the phone calls. It was my most treasured time I had with Moses and he would tell me what happened that day, what he was facing. It helps me to understand what he was going through and I know being there for him and listening to him was good enough for him.

As the days go by, it was kind of manageable because being able to hear his voice at the end of the day made everything so much better. And getting to see him on the weekends was always something to look forward to after a 5 day work week. However, there are days that don't go as well for me, especially when I need to talk to him urgently and needing his comfort, he can't be there for me and only I can wait for his call at night. Also, during his field camp for a week was the worst because there wasn't gonna be any calls for the whole week. Also the night before his field camp started, the last phone call he could make before the field camp was very very rushed. Because, my parents insisted on catching Ah Boys to Men ON that very night and insisted that I go too when I have already watched it once. So I had to answer the phone call outside the cinema, I nearly cried.

POP was a day for the recruits that they were happy about because after that would be their new vocation and new experiences, whether they would go to Officer Cadet School or other places like medics. And the boys had a one week break from army. Sort of like a short holiday. It was also a day that I felt so proud of Moses for being able to go through BMT and finally passing out! Also, it was a day that I never ever got up so early before. HAHAHA. Even though the whole thing was sweaty and smelly, I was just glad to be there to share this moment with Moses.

Moses eventually got posted to OCS, so so proud of him! It is not easy to make it into OCS, to be eligible to get into OCS, one must obtain a Gold award for IPPT. Eventually Moses signed on with the AirForce.

Things from there started to go smoothly because after his training for OCS airforce was finishing and with the social night dinner, commissioning... then he was off to his next vocation. I guess really the hardest part was the beginning during BMT and field camp, but from then it was quite alright as both of us gotten used to it. His next vocation allowed him to go home everyday which was better, sometimes if possible we would meet in the evenings for dinner, but that was very rare given that I had evening classes to attend, and I need to use the time after work to study if there weren't any classes scheduled that evening.

Moses has now gone into studying at NTU, he's staying in Hall which is sort of nearer to me but it's the other end of the country for him hahahahaha! We meet sometimes during the week, but during his and my exam week we don't meet up because us meeting up means not studying already. So to let each other focus and do our best for our exams, we tend to not meet up unless for dinner only on rare occasions. We still meet up on Saturdays, but nowadays because I am in my final year of school, some weekends I have full day classes so we only can meet for dinner. Other than that, it's pretty alright (:

As a girlfriend, no doubt it hasn't been easy, but what we should do as girlfriends of those going through army, is to;

1. Be his pillar of support
Just be his listening ear, just let him talk about their day and trying to understand is actually good enough for him. Even though it sounds like too little, but at the end of the day of physical training, all he wants to do is talk to you and sometimes to just listen to your voice as well(:

2. Trust him
Letting him know that you trust them is quite an important thing, after all, he wouldn't want to hear that his girlfriend has trust issues and it can be quite frustrating for him. And girls, they're mostly guys in there. So what's there to worry about? (:

3. Let him decide what to do on the weekends
You can always make suggestions but ultimately let him choose. Sometimes he just wants to stay at home because he's been through tough training the whole week, and he also wants to spend time with his family, alongside with you. There was a time when Moses said he just wanted to stay home and have dinner with his family so I just went along with it.

4. Write letters for him
I didn't manage to write to him for field camp, but if you go to the enlistment with your guy, you can ask them for 1 envelope for yourself. I didn't know I could do that so I didn't ask and I had no idea when Moses' family was going to send so I just sent a short text to Moses before he went for field camp. For me I tend to hand write letters to Moses as it has a personal touch, to encourage him. He appreciates them a lot and some of the letters he leaves it in camp where he stays in for the week.

5. Do things together on the weekends
Try to bake or cook together on the weekends. Moses and I baked cookies together once and because he could bring in food to the camp, we baked like 2 batches of our own edited recipe of chocolate chip cookies. It was quite fun honestly.

6. Make the most of time together on the weekends
As you already know, the time that you get to spend together with him will be very limited. I know girls have their bad days but still try to not let that get in the way(:

I think that's about all that I have(:

Next post would probably on eczema.


x

Hiatus

Hello!

Pardon me from the long 2+ hiatus. I haven't had the chance to exactly blog, and I don't exactly like the mobile blogging application called Dayre. Maybe I just like the computer keyboard better haha!

I am currently at work now, working part time ever since last year August, honestly this job doesn't benefit me well but it just gives me the flexibility of being able to have more time to study. Before work can study and I can have time to exercise as well.

2 weeks ago I started a new exercise regime, I am trying to lose weight, especially tummy area, so I've been getting up early and exercising for about half an hour before I shower and study/do school work. Hopefully I will achieve my goals of being able to lose weight!

Update on my life, I am on my last year of studies! So slowly counting down the months ahah, okay la, not really counting but wishing it would end faster. Because I dislike studying, I prefer hands on and not theory. Currently the module I am taking now is biochemistry year 3, it is known to all students to be the toughest year 3 module. I really do wish that I can pass this module, or rather, pass all the modules of this final year so that I would not have to repeat it. If repeat, need extra 4 months! Wasting time and wasting money.

Hopefully next year when my contract ends (I'm gonna extend another 6 months this august) in february 2015, I can find a job. I have no idea where God will place me, people around me say they want to become Office Lady, I preferably want a lab job. I love microbio/bacteriology. I hope it is also high paying.

So far my grades are generally fine, not getting anything below a CR (Credit Pass), so I guess that's kinda good.. But of course I would like to do my best, and get Distinctions! My ex-colleague told me that no matter what, just do my best, because the grades do matter when getting a job.

As for my relationship, currently we have been together for 4 and a half years now! Can't believe it. Was reading my older blogs where I just began my relationship with Moses, it hasn't been easy and my thoughts were so much immature last time. I cringed when I read those posts... Moses is going to NTU this year! Hopefully he will settle in well, and study hard, and score good grades.

I think next year once I get a stable job, and still paying for school fees then, probably Moses and I are going to apply for BTO. I hope that my mum keeps her mouth shut. Honestly I just found out yesterday from my sister, that my mum doesn't like Moses because she is the super old fashioned chinese parent , she doesn't like how he dresses when he comes to my house (he normally wears tshirt, shorts and slippers) which by the way I totally don't mind, and he doesn't bring gifts when he visits. Like seriously, super old fashioned can. Now already 2014, not 1980s. What a headache. Apparently my mum still hates my secondary school friends as well because they said that she was fierce, but that was like at least, 6 years ago? Up till now she still hates them. Seriously don't know what is wrong with my mother.

I hope that in the future I do not become like my mum. Her attitude, her temper and her thinking.

I really thank God so much for Moses, he really endure my temper, I know my temper is still horrid.

Anyway, hope everyone is doing fine, till next time!


x

My Past, My Present.

I was reading an article on facebook and was inspired to just blog this, it was about how they feel that looks matter and how different people treat them.

I don't even know whether anyone would read this but here goes;

In primary school, I was this small, short girl. Big eyes. But. A crybaby. Everyone didn't like me because I was much rather a "teacher's pet" not by choice, my parents have instilled this "must be good and study hard and get good grades" kind of child. I started wearing spectacles in Primary 3 because in Primary 2 holidays I played too much computer games, old school computer games with my sister.

This was how I looked like;

I know, terrible. I was still chubby, and was a crybaby. I got bullied ALL the time. Insulted by classmates. I admired how others were popular and wanted to be like them. I could cry up to 4 times in a school day. My curly hair made my hair all messy. I was always one of those chosen last for the team if there was even someone to choose. I tried to fit in so bad, I didn't even know whether what I did was right. Boys shunned me when they think they heard I "liked" them that kind of thing. They just didn't want to have anything to do with me.

Not only that, some teachers actually bullied me. Take me for granted, expect me to be an 'A' student. My music teacher expected me to turn up for every single practice, when consecutively I didn't appear for practice nearing SYF because I wasn't feeling well and my mum dragged me away from school to go out, my music teacher came up to me and scolded me and said she initially wanted me to represent the school during SYF to collect the prize but she changed her mind. I was pretty upset then, well representing school to take prizes was kind of a big thing, because I was never the smartest in any class, just an average student trying to live day by day in school, trying to pass PSLE at the end of this journey. 

At the end of PSLE, after we got the postings to which secondary school we were gonna go, I was rather determined to stop that crybaby shit and be tough, stronger. The cryings mostly stop, only on a few occasions like bad results that I would cry. But it was much rare as compared in primary school. Unfortunately, I wasn't cute (to me I wasn't, but I remembered in secondary 1 when I entered the choir room for the first time to meet the choir as I was a direct school applicant through choir, the girls were all "she's so cute" and wanting me to be placed in their section but I ended up in Soprano). But I was considered a nerd, because for me it took me so hard to get a placing in my secondary school as my PSLE results couldn't get me into a good school and the school I was posted to, my parents weren't exactly pleased.

There were lockers, which for me from secondary 1 to 3 I hardly used it, I practically carried ALL my books around school in my bag (crazy I know, I don't even know how I managed to do that). I wore my geeky spectacles, was sent to school via car every morning, and picked up after school everyday including after choir practices. To go home for tuition. My mum drilled me on studies, she didn't want me to end up like my sister. She wanted me to be better. I had tuition for almost every subject I took, except literature and english. So you can imagine my weekly routine; School - tuition - school -tuition - school - choir - tuition, weekends were full of tuition. At that point in my life, I was not going to church regularly, my parents had the habit of asking us to stay home to study instead of going to church so it became a habit for my sister and I from primary school.

Secondary 1 and 2 was kinda tough, new environment, new friends, friends who backstabbed you, friends who used you, friends who only talked to you when they needed you, friends who didn't care. But there were always friends who were there for you even if you didn't know. Secondary 2 was when I officially really liked someone, but looking like shit I got rejected. He didn't feel the same way but I am quite thankful that we didn't get together at all because he turned into someone I didn't know anymore and I wouldn't want to associate with anymore.

This was how i looked like when I was secondary 2;

Glasses, braces and NOT pretty. at all.

Look at that horrible fringe (shudders)

In any case I was always shunned by popular group of people in my class, I still remembered clearly that my friends were gonna go to watch a movie together and asked me to go along, so I said okay, and when the rest of the group that were supposed to go saw that I was going, I clearly remembered 1 guy who mouthed to someone about me "she's going?!" and I could see that he was very unhappy about it. So I just went off to the toilet and I was really upset about it. In the end the plan was cancelled and everyone just went home, with my mum asking me why I came home when I told her I was going out with my friends after school. It was really quite hurtful, like I knew nobody liked me from then. To make things worse, I was assigned to be in that guy's group for literature project - play. He was supposed to carry me and put me on the floor, the day of the performance he practically dropped me on the floor from a height. I can never forget that I don't know why.

Secondary 2 was also the year I got rejected from councillors. I was on probation but in the end I didn't get in. I was pretty upset too as I thought that councillors were where the cooler people were and I wanted to be part of that. I wanted to be more accepted into school and unfortunately I just didn't make the cut. But looking back now I am kinda glad that I didn't get into councillors.

Secondary 3 was another new phase, streaming into double sciences and new people. New class, new people. And I decided to try soft rebonding. To calm those curls down.

It was then I kinda underwent a major change? I was off braces, started to wear contacts to school, reduced the load of books into the locker.

I took up a leadership role in choir, being the assistant section leader. But I knew that the seniors didn't exactly liked me then because I corrected one of them in front of the choir about some event we went to. I kinda knew that he/she didn't like me because of that because I felt it.

In secondary 4 I found my close group of friends, those who stayed and were always there for me, through boy trouble, through bad results, through home problems. I really thank them and till now they are still there for me even if I can't meet them so regularly. But I think I was still trying to fit into the popular group, but I think I was used more than I was trying to fit in.

So O Levels came and left, I met less and less with the popular bunch in my class as I wasn't exactly invited to their gatherings.

I had an average score for my O levels, enough for me to get into a decent JC but my mum wanted me to get into Poly so I managed to get into a course that I wanted, following my sister's footsteps.


I entered poly, again new friends new environment.

I am not going to talk so much about poly, just gonna talk about how people accepted me differently. I guess in poly I looked much better? Because I felt more welcomed, felt more accepted. Before I got attached to my current boyfriend, there were 2 other guys who were trying to get to know me and in the end try to woo me. But I chose my current boyfriend instead, because of his personality and he was one of my good friends before we got together.

I stopped rebonding my hair because it was damaging so I let it grow out (which happens to be the best decision ever even though the growing out process was horrendous).

People made fun of me but no harm intended and I took it lightly which was what I changed my mindset to. I couldn't possibly get angry at people for teasing, it'll just end up everyone hating me.

My poly year 1 picture;

But in the end through the years in poly I found my true friends, through many obstacles.

One of my recent photos at a friend's 21st;

and my trip with my family to bangkok this year;

I mean yeah like people approach me more nowadays as compared to last time when i was younger.

I still say I am insecure. I never felt that I was pretty enough, never felt I was skinny enough. I always feel that I'm not good enough, not smart. I always wanted to be a blogshop model, but I don't think I will ever be good enough. I'm not as pretty as them, I don't even have that figure. I am not even skinny. Like for real. I never felt I was talented enough, always admired people who had the courage to participate in Singing competitions. Never felt I was good enough to be even singing in pubs. I was hesitant to be a backup singer in church but I guess that was just God's calling. I still think I am not good enough and there are so many people out there who are much, much better than I am.

As what I said, I don't even think anyone reads this blog anyway.

But if you are reading, thank you for reading (: God bless you.

x